true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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