69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
