she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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