If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
