You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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