oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize