I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
