I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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