Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
