YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
