He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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