Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
