just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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