Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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