the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
