Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
