fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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