i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
