I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
accomplished twins. life is a go
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
