4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
