I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
