These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
