i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
