on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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