My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
