I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
