I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
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Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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