Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
