it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
