he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
