Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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