Welp...herpes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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