adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize