i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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