Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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