Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
