I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
