Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
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