omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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