so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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