YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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