This dress was meant to end up on your floor
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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