you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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