i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
