omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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