Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
pray to the hookup gods
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
