Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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