she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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