How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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