I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
