4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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