Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
