Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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