I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
