i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
