a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
