He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
