There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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