I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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