Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
