in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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