Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
