I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
