i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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