There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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