Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Houston, we have a squirter
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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