she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
