I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
