I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
