i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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