before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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