I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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