Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
